One Thirty Four
The tale of a house and those that live thereArchive for June, 2009
As mentioned in a previous post……
….I was thinking about changing the appearance of our humble blog. So tonight, while sitting in the dark, listening to the quiet of the nightfall, I paid a visit to our trusty journal and was reminded that it needed a more summery feeling. The pic is one we took last fall at Cedar Breaks National Monument in Utah. Looking through so many of our travel photos to find one to share was like being on vacation with my sweetie all over again. We take every opportunity to travel, by truck, camper, boat, plane, you name it. I’m either going on a trip or planning one. Thanks to a great schedule at work these days, we’ve been able to visit some wonderful places. We are blessed, very blessed indeed.
Then in the still of the evening came the rat-a-tat-tat of the hammer. My wonderful husband, just back from an 8 day ‘man’ trip himself is spending his last day of freedom before going back to work building a fence so Cooper won’t have to stay in his kennel when people aren’t home. I am blessed, very blessed indeed.
Listening is a ministry. It communicates love. When you care enough to listen, you validate another person’s worth.
To whom do you need to listen?
On the Road Again…well, sort of
I am having a simply splendid time researching, comparing and booking our cruise/flights/excursions to New England and Canada this fall. We’re going to be Leaf Peepers! Isn’t that precious? I’m gathering all the info I can about the ports we’ll visit. At first I thought the towns would be synonymous with DULLSVILLE. Au contraire! It’s going from “what will we DO all day in …” to “how are we going to narrow it down to the choice or two we’ll have time for in ….”I thought “At least we’ll know we can have afternoon tea every day on the ship” to “looks like we’ll only be on the ship for afternoon tea on one day”. I can’t believe how much fun I’m having and we haven’t even started packing!
The older, smarter one
My brother pointed something out to me today. If my father had live to his birthday this week (6/9, Tuesday) he would have been 100 years old.
He was always smarter and more observant than I.
Happy birthday, Daddio!
What a coincidence
I guess I am not the only one pondering the value of a simple ‘thank you’. Someone just called Dr. Laura for advice on that very topic. (and it wasn’t my aunt-haha)
Never too old to learn, never too late to make things better
I am learning a lot listening to my husband talk to my daughter about how to treat the man in her life. A month or so ago the three of us were talking about people and relationships, the specifics of which I don’t even recall, nor is it important to the point of my story. He shared something with her about what to say/do (or what NOT to say/do) in front of your man, if you care about him, the gist of which was that it would result in making him feel like less of a man. I recall thinking at the time that I’ve known him for 30 years and he’s never shared that important piece of information with me. I can think back to times it would have made a world of difference; and I never knew. I didn’t speak about my newfound enlightenment with Dwayne.
Shortly thereafter I was alone with Chelsea and I shared with her what a wonderful gift he gave to her in that peek into a man’s ego. I shared, without specifics, what a difference it would have made in our marriage, and how grateful I was that he was giving her this opportunity to not make our mistakes. Because I won’t always be there when those moments between father and daughter come up, I asked her to pay attention to what he says, even if it seems not to pertain to anything at the time. Someday it will. Life went on.
Then the other day it happened again. He noticed something between Chelsea and her boyfriend that he saw as a potential red flag and he wanted to warn her about it. Now Chelsea and Jonathan have this way of teasing one another and correcting each other on minor points. To them, there seems no offense, neither meant nor taken. But to my man, who thought about this for some time before bringing it up, it fell into the “praise in public, correct in private” category. This time Dwayne mentioned it first to me but he wanted to caution her about how far to take what routinely appears to be an innocent enough, and reciprocal, game. To me, this was the second time in a relatively short period of time that my husband has, through giving advice to his daughter about how to treat her man, provided me with advice on how to treat him. I shared with him the first incident from the month before and my feelings about it. He tried to tell me that he wasn’t (in that case) bringing up a personal example from our relationship, rather that his observation was more related to his training and experience as a supervisor all these years. I will take the wrap for the times I didn’t follow the wise tenet he pointed out.
I am blessed on a daily basis by his kindness, generosity, friendship and love. Witnessing these truly special times between a wonderful father and his daughter, moments I guess I never had with mine, fills my heart with a joy that I can not express in words. The opportunity he is providing both his girls to learn how to show nothing but love and support for their men is more valuable than diamonds (and we all know how much I love THOSE) and I’d trade them all for a few more of those pearls of wisdom from my man!
The power of saying “thank you”
At some time in each of our lives there was likely someone older and wiser who directed these words to each of us “what goes around comes around”. For me, that was usually said when I did something that person didn’t like or when I failed to do something they thought I should have done. The comment, and others similar, didn’t mean much at the time; if I thought I should have done it (or not done it) another way, I would have. Sage wisdom was lost on me. I recall particularly the subject coming up when my brother and I were driving our mom nuts with our petty bickering, though her quip then was more along the lines of “I can’t wait for you two to have children of your own”. It was not until I had children, who occasionally bickered, that I realized that my mother’s statement wasn’t because she yearned to be a grandmother. No, her point was that when my brother and I were lucky enough to be blessed with children, we would see just how precious (and sometimes not so much) those children could be; and that we could never quite appreciate how she felt as the “reluctant yet perpetual referee”. But I’ve moseyed off my point.
My aunt from New Jersey always remembered us on our birthday. She remembers our children on theirs. For a long time, she sent real gifts that she and my uncle had ventured out and shopped for; selected things that they knew were in the area of something we would like or something that they found interesting and thought would be fun for us. My mother would tell us to send her a thank you note. More times than not, we did not do so. Somehow we always knew that my aunt expected to be thanked and was disappointed that we didn’t thank her. I suspect to some degree she believed it to be a reflection of my mother, that through lack of proper training we didn’t extend the appropriate courtesy. My mother suggested and prodded and bargained with us. By all recollections, those tactics rarely worked.
Fast forward to my own offspring’s younger days. Gifts and cards would arrive from New Jersey (or whatever state my aunt/uncle were summering or wintering in at the time) for my kids’ special days. They’d get all excited and enjoy the gift and that people thought of them, but no matter how much I poke and prodded, rarely did they send a “thank you” note. It progressed to a point when I told them I wouldn’t give them the gift if they didn’t promise to send a note. After that, it became, “don’t open it if you aren’t willing to send a ‘thank you’”. They are both adults now and have learned many positive things we tried to teach them but I confess that I don’t think sending “thank you” notes is on that list.
Now I am the first to admit how far from perfect I am. While the list is endless, I am particularly bothered now and again when I remember that I still haven’t properly thanked my SIL Connie for something very nice that she made for me nearly a year ago. But through all of my own faults I am still hurt sometimes by the same thing that I am sure my aunt was hurt by year after year after year by my own selfishness.
I read today that it is considered a competitive advantage in the business world these days for companies and employees to extend a simple “thank you” to their customers. Nearly five out of every 10 people don’t always say thanks – remembering to do so is a sales point difference. What kind of world is it where extending common courtesies helps you stand out? Has common become “old-time”? Is gratitude and appreciation now a “quaint” custom rather than the norm? The sad thing is, in my experience, this is not just limited to the business world.
Most people don’t – I don’t – extend the gift of time or tangibles to people for the sole purpose of receiving an expression of gratitude in return. I don’t usually stop giving my time or other resources to someone because they didn’t ‘adequately’ appreciate my efforts in the past. I just wish my aunt could read this – for the greatest gift she ever gave me may just have been 40-something years in the making – understanding deep down why a thank you means far more to the recipient (of the thank you) than it ever will to the giver. Or does it REALLY?
One Thirty Four 
You must be logged in to post a comment.